we'd stay afloat and make the most of everything

(no pictures because the cheapo batteries I bought died within an hour of using my camera)

optimism is such a fucking bummer some days. I had this idea of how the Detroit trip was going to go, how stoked we'd be doing everything and seeing everyone - and most of it just fell through. too many agendas, too many boys, and definitely too much mileage. Ashlee is a champ [mostly] for driving all over the suburbs of Michigan for two days, and dragging our asses out of bed at 5am so I'd be at work on time for Saturday.

so mostly..yecchh, the first day: somerset mall in Troy was amazing, but I was way too broke to even think about buying half the things I wanted. but I'm coming back for you, marc jacobs rain/moon boots! Wholefoods was disappointing, smaller than mine with a lot of the same product, just more fake meats and frozen stuff. I stocked up on smart water and peanut butter, aka my entire diet for the next week.

the guys in Blackbirds are sweethearts - if a little loud and overexcitable. I'm pretty sure the noxious fumes from their van made everyone break edge, and they definitely missed their own show - 2 hours late! Ashlee and I just bummed around on the curb in front of refuge skate shop that night, made pals with a terrifying convenience store clerk who not only knew my name, but kept using it: "I can help you over here Jordan, no bag Jordan? thanks Jordan!" while Ash was probably gang banged in one of the creepiest bathrooms I've ever seen. (she says she wasn't). late night swim and loads of gossip that evening, ending with us girls snuggled on the pull-out.

the next day is really where the clusterfucking happened. we were almost three hours late for warped tour (doesn't matter now but I was a bit cranky at the time). kept getting screamed at by security, trying to park and just get in. inside was exactly what I prayed it wouldn't be: thousands of sweaty and overweight young'uns, moving around like bummed out zombies. Ashlee and I made it to Andy's bus for some ac and water, but Justin and Kyle had to stay out in the heat. she went out to keep them company, and Andy and I went out to watch some bands. the combination of heat, hunger, lack of sleep and water, and just plain ol bad luck hit me, and I blacked out. on stage. while paramour was playing, and everyone could see me. I just remember being really dizzy and insisting that we leave, but when I went to move, I slammed the ground. woke up a minute later in the arms of a stage hand, to Andy's horrified face. and of course, I broke my cellphone, bruised my snozz a little, and felt humiliated. you'd think fainting would prompt Andy to baby me a little, like a good southern gentlemen - but he just insisted we go "lay down on the bus together" and fuck if I was having any of that. his bandmates Dan and Joe helped me comb the fairgrounds for Ashlee and the guys, and after a couple exhausting hours, we were out of there. really and truly, I'm over the Andy business once and for all. I just wish it hadn't taken me over five years to realize what a piece of shit he is.

that night was probably the best part of the trip. went to an amazing restaurant that Justin used to work at, and split on vegan pizza with Kyle. came back to the house with everyone, and just laid around, lurked the web, and talked. minus some obnoxious screaming in the middle of the night from Jesse and Mike, I actually got a couple decent hours of snuggling and sleep in too.

but then 5 am came and we had to kick it back home. the drive was inconsequential I guess, we were just so shit tired and moody. I had just enough time to shower before my eight hour shift at Wholefoods, and I definitely felt it by that night. came home to aim chats with the one person who could make me feel better - and he's been stuck in a van for two days straight, half dead and just as grumpy as me. I don't know if it was not being able to talk to anyone because my phones busted, or just being sad about things not working out, but I went to bed with this enormous sense of loneliness. like I know things aren't going the way they should be, and I'm either too lazy or stupid to fix anything.